Be Careful What You Wish For

I've always heard "old folks" say, "Be careful what you wish for because it just might come true." I could never understand why I had to be careful in wished for. It made no sense to me until I got older and was able to understand what they were trying to say -- "Make sure that you fully consider everything that comes along with what it is you are wishing for." Many times we only look at the end result of things and pay little, or no, attention to the process leading to it. We only see what's glamorized in the media or the respect that an esteemed person commands, but rarely do we take time to find out how they got to that point. In the 10th chapter of the Book of Mark, James and John expressed their desire to sit on the right and left hand of Jesus' glory. Jesus' response came in verse 38 where he said, "You don't know what you are asking, Jesus said. Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?" Jesus knew that they were not fully aware of what would be required of them in order to do so. As we all know, when Jesus carried the cross to Calvary and was crucified, the disciples followed far behind, hid, and Peter even denied knowing Him. I always say, "If your dream doesn't include the work required to accomplish it, then it's merely a fantasy." It is imperative that we count up the costs before we decide to do anything. I can remember my college football coach telling the team, "Everyone wants to be conference champions, but very few are willing to do what it takes to get there." Most players are not willing to do the things that earn them the label of being an "ABCD" (Above and Beyond the Call of Duty) type of guy. This is why there are very few "legends." So, before we start asking for things, let's be sure that we count up the costs and determine that it is worth it to us, because if not, we'll end up wishing we were more careful in what we wished for.

BUT as for ME and MY house.....

In honor of today, I want to wish every FATHER a Happy Father's Day! I truly consider it a blessing and honor for God to have entrusted me with a son to raise and mold into the gentleman that He has called him to be. God chose fathers to be spiritual leaders, providers, a sense of security, enforcers, and examples of a gentleman (for sons and daughters). As head of the household, we are responsible for "setting the tone" of the family. It is our duty to set expectations and hold the family accountable for carrying them out. I personally, take the stance of Joshua as the title would suggest, "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15 NIV). This was the law growing up in my home. After growing into an adult and seeking God for myself, I have taken the same stance. As the head of my family (current and soon to be), I have established a Bible Study and prayer routine with my fiancee that includes fasting on Sundays. I pray over my son everyday that he is with me and for him on the days he is not. I have to be the example I expect him to follow. I am a firm believer in making sure that a child has, even when the parents do not. Because of this, I go ABCD (Above and Beyond the Call of Duty) to make sure my son has EVERYTHING he needs. Obedience is also very important to me, so I established a distinction between my serious and playful tone at a young age. I wanted him to be assured of my intentions when I spoke to him. It really bothers me to see children who are disobedient and throw tantrums in public. Honestly, I want to spank the child AND their parents LOL! It is also my duty to enforce whatever his mother has established. I want her to respect the expectations I place on him; therefore, I do the same. From the day I found out I had a child on the way, I made a vow to be the man I wanted a son to be, and the man I wanted a daughter to look for. With that being said I decided to never bring a woman around him that I couldn't see being a permanent fixture in his life. I also try to make sure that he never sees me disrespect a woman, regardless of the situation. I don't want him to grow up thinking that it is okay. I want him to understand chivalry, compassion, respect, being thoughtful, etc. These are the characteristics that come to mind when I describe a gentleman and the way I want my son to be seen. I can't control the way that other fathers lead their families, BUT as for ME and MY house.........

Is it in you?: Part of your character OR just a role you play?

Over time, I have matured and started to see things differently than I have in the past. I am truly understanding I Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put all childish ways behind me." This process definitely did not happen overnight. First of all, I had to see the need for a change. I had to see the faults within and want to correct them. Just as Steve Harvey's movie, "Act like a lady, Think like a man,"stated, the problem with pretending to do better is the fact that at some point, we actually have to put it into action. It has to become our character, rather than just a role we play. All actors can memorize scripts and even put emotion into their performance, but, eventually the "real" person surfaces. "Can an Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil." (Jeremiah 13:33). When entering relationships, it takes "time" to get to know a person, and even longer if they're trying to impress us. My dad has always told me to never read too much into how a person treats me, but pay more attention to how they treat others. They will show you who they really are. I have been blessed to find someone whose character matches mine. I took my father's advice and looked more into how she treated her friends, and even how she treated strangers. In Hebrews 13:2 the Bible tells us, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Only those of us whose character preempts us to show genuine kindness will pass this test administered by God. Others will only do so when it is convenient, or when they can gain something in return. So, Is it in you?

Don't worry about who won't, Focus on who will

I am continually learning the keys to living a life that I am not only comfortable with, but truly enjoy. The first lesson I've learned is to stop trying to please everyone else. People will constantly tell us what they would or would not do if they were in our shoes but, the truth is, they do not know how they would respond because they are not faced with our circumstances. I am learning to ask God for direction, listen to the advice of others, and make the decision that I feel is best for me. Ultimately, it is I who has to deal with the consequences of my decisions, whether they are good or bad. As long as we are doing anything, people will have something to say, but as long as we are true to ourselves, WHY WORRY? Only we will see our own vision in all its grandeur, so there is no need to expect others to come aboard. Nor should we be upset if they do not. If we stop and take an honest look at those around us, I'm sure we will be able to distinguish the ones who are there to offer support from those whose only goal is to interject negativity in our minds. More often than not, we have more "Positive Pollies" than "Negative Nancies" but, we choose to focus on the latter. If you know the story of Joshua and Caleb in the Bible, you know that they were the only 2 spies sent to survey the land of Canaan that believed they were more than able to possess it. Because of their faith, they were the only 2 Israelites of their generation allowed to inhabit the land. God would not allow those with such unbelief in His power and faithfulness to experience such a blessing. He only rewarded those who truly believed in Him. The funny thing is, God had just sent Moses to deliver the Israelites from the oppression of Pharaoh in Egypt. He then allowed them to cross the Red Sea on dry land but, it swallowed Pharaoh's soldiers as they gave chase. God then led them through the wilderness for 40 years without the soles of their shoes ever wearing out, gave them water from a rock, and fed them manna made from dew on the ground. Yet and still, despite these miraculous provisions made for them, they still did not truly believe. We all have people around us with an "Israelite" mindset who will tell us that we can not accomplish our goals because of their lack of faith. Some would rather not see us succeed solely because of envy or spite. Regardless of why, we can not allow them to deter us from striving towards our goal. Don't worry about who won't, Focus on who will.

Is it worth it to ME?

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How can we begin moving in any direction if we do not first establish where we are going? We are given the right to choose our own path in life but not the conditions of it. We see just far enough ahead to ask ourselves, "IS IT WORTH IT ME?" And, "Is my goal important enough to endure the circumstances it requires?" I am continuously realizing that it takes hating to fail more than wanting to succeed in order to stay focused and determined to reach my destination. There are times that those around me may doubt whether or not I will be able to accomplish everything I set out to, but I do not let that deter me. I can not expect for everyone to see my vision the way that I do because it is MY vision. God gave me a specific purpose just as He did everyone else. At times, doubters even come in the form of friends and family. This is probably why the Lord commanded Abraham to "Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, to the land which I will show you" (Gen 12:1). Unfortunately, Abraham brought his nephew, Lot, with him, who only caused problems along the journey. We sometimes face negativity, discouragement, and even sabotage from those we are closest to. But, if we truly believe in our purpose it will not interfere with the journey still become the "Father of many nations" just as Abraham. I am determined to be successful and am driven by my fear of failure. I choose not to live my life wondering "What if?" It is not worth my conscience condemning me for not giving total effort and failing as a result. This has been most evident in my relationship. Even when things get rough and we do not see eye to eye, I know what I am working towards and find ways to resolve the issues. I know that giving up on it is not worth wondering "What if?" There will also be those, outside looking in, offering their opinions about what they feel is best. For them, it may very well be. God gave us all our own lives to live and choices to make, so I do what is best for me. My dad always tells me not to make choices that I will regret because of what he wants for me, but instead, make my own decisions because I am the only one who can truly answer the question, "IS IT WORTH IT TO ME?"

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PLANNING LIFE Without Considering LIFE'S PLAN For Me

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Assuming everything will go exactly according to plan, is one of the worst mistakes that we can make. Most of us plan our lives as fairy tales that do not include any effort or inconvenience. It is this type of thinking that leads to disappointments and discouragement. If our dream does not include the adversities that comes along with it, it is merely a fantasy. Fantasies only come true in Disney movies. Life's twists and turns are, as I stated in the previous post, ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. It is important for us to have a plan in order to move in a particular direction, but we should also leave flexibility in our plan to adjust to life's circumstances. Without leaving room to adjust, we are thrown completely off course at the first sign of misdirection. In my experience, life has been more about how I have adjusted to unexpected happenings than anything else. I have gained more knowledge, wisdom, and patience from situations that were unplanned than ones that were premeditated. The birth of my son is the perfect example. Bringing a child into the world was the furthest thought from my mind at the time I found out that he had been conceived. Being a father to him has been a winding road that continues to pave itself each day. I learn more about being a parent with every moment I spend with him. I have learned to be the example of the person I want him grow to be, realized that I have to differentiate when I am playing with him and when I am serious, and understand that he doesn't have a full knowledge of right and wrong and may have to be told some things more than once. Although I had no intentions of having a child when it happened, he has been the biggest blessing I have received from God. It was here that I realized that life's plan was the same as God's will and that God's will is always more important than our own. I honestly believe that He entrusted my son to me at the perfect time in my life. He knew that I was entering into a transitional stage because my last semester of college was nearing a close and I needed direction. Although my son could not give me the direction, he gave me the motivation to seek guidance from God. James 4:15-16 states, "Instead, you ought to say 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." It is vital that we consult God before planning anything. It reminds me of the old saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." My son did not deter from me accomplishing any of my goals or ambitions, but he did make me prioritize and rearrange some things. I have, in fact, taken a notice to certain things that I gave no attention to before-- blessings I almost missed because I was PLANNING LIFE WITHOUT CONSIDERING LIFE'S PLAN FOR ME.