Don't worry about who won't, Focus on who will

I am continually learning the keys to living a life that I am not only comfortable with, but truly enjoy. The first lesson I've learned is to stop trying to please everyone else. People will constantly tell us what they would or would not do if they were in our shoes but, the truth is, they do not know how they would respond because they are not faced with our circumstances. I am learning to ask God for direction, listen to the advice of others, and make the decision that I feel is best for me. Ultimately, it is I who has to deal with the consequences of my decisions, whether they are good or bad. As long as we are doing anything, people will have something to say, but as long as we are true to ourselves, WHY WORRY? Only we will see our own vision in all its grandeur, so there is no need to expect others to come aboard. Nor should we be upset if they do not. If we stop and take an honest look at those around us, I'm sure we will be able to distinguish the ones who are there to offer support from those whose only goal is to interject negativity in our minds. More often than not, we have more "Positive Pollies" than "Negative Nancies" but, we choose to focus on the latter. If you know the story of Joshua and Caleb in the Bible, you know that they were the only 2 spies sent to survey the land of Canaan that believed they were more than able to possess it. Because of their faith, they were the only 2 Israelites of their generation allowed to inhabit the land. God would not allow those with such unbelief in His power and faithfulness to experience such a blessing. He only rewarded those who truly believed in Him. The funny thing is, God had just sent Moses to deliver the Israelites from the oppression of Pharaoh in Egypt. He then allowed them to cross the Red Sea on dry land but, it swallowed Pharaoh's soldiers as they gave chase. God then led them through the wilderness for 40 years without the soles of their shoes ever wearing out, gave them water from a rock, and fed them manna made from dew on the ground. Yet and still, despite these miraculous provisions made for them, they still did not truly believe. We all have people around us with an "Israelite" mindset who will tell us that we can not accomplish our goals because of their lack of faith. Some would rather not see us succeed solely because of envy or spite. Regardless of why, we can not allow them to deter us from striving towards our goal. Don't worry about who won't, Focus on who will.

Is it worth it to ME?

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How can we begin moving in any direction if we do not first establish where we are going? We are given the right to choose our own path in life but not the conditions of it. We see just far enough ahead to ask ourselves, "IS IT WORTH IT ME?" And, "Is my goal important enough to endure the circumstances it requires?" I am continuously realizing that it takes hating to fail more than wanting to succeed in order to stay focused and determined to reach my destination. There are times that those around me may doubt whether or not I will be able to accomplish everything I set out to, but I do not let that deter me. I can not expect for everyone to see my vision the way that I do because it is MY vision. God gave me a specific purpose just as He did everyone else. At times, doubters even come in the form of friends and family. This is probably why the Lord commanded Abraham to "Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, to the land which I will show you" (Gen 12:1). Unfortunately, Abraham brought his nephew, Lot, with him, who only caused problems along the journey. We sometimes face negativity, discouragement, and even sabotage from those we are closest to. But, if we truly believe in our purpose it will not interfere with the journey still become the "Father of many nations" just as Abraham. I am determined to be successful and am driven by my fear of failure. I choose not to live my life wondering "What if?" It is not worth my conscience condemning me for not giving total effort and failing as a result. This has been most evident in my relationship. Even when things get rough and we do not see eye to eye, I know what I am working towards and find ways to resolve the issues. I know that giving up on it is not worth wondering "What if?" There will also be those, outside looking in, offering their opinions about what they feel is best. For them, it may very well be. God gave us all our own lives to live and choices to make, so I do what is best for me. My dad always tells me not to make choices that I will regret because of what he wants for me, but instead, make my own decisions because I am the only one who can truly answer the question, "IS IT WORTH IT TO ME?"

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PLANNING LIFE Without Considering LIFE'S PLAN For Me

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Assuming everything will go exactly according to plan, is one of the worst mistakes that we can make. Most of us plan our lives as fairy tales that do not include any effort or inconvenience. It is this type of thinking that leads to disappointments and discouragement. If our dream does not include the adversities that comes along with it, it is merely a fantasy. Fantasies only come true in Disney movies. Life's twists and turns are, as I stated in the previous post, ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. It is important for us to have a plan in order to move in a particular direction, but we should also leave flexibility in our plan to adjust to life's circumstances. Without leaving room to adjust, we are thrown completely off course at the first sign of misdirection. In my experience, life has been more about how I have adjusted to unexpected happenings than anything else. I have gained more knowledge, wisdom, and patience from situations that were unplanned than ones that were premeditated. The birth of my son is the perfect example. Bringing a child into the world was the furthest thought from my mind at the time I found out that he had been conceived. Being a father to him has been a winding road that continues to pave itself each day. I learn more about being a parent with every moment I spend with him. I have learned to be the example of the person I want him grow to be, realized that I have to differentiate when I am playing with him and when I am serious, and understand that he doesn't have a full knowledge of right and wrong and may have to be told some things more than once. Although I had no intentions of having a child when it happened, he has been the biggest blessing I have received from God. It was here that I realized that life's plan was the same as God's will and that God's will is always more important than our own. I honestly believe that He entrusted my son to me at the perfect time in my life. He knew that I was entering into a transitional stage because my last semester of college was nearing a close and I needed direction. Although my son could not give me the direction, he gave me the motivation to seek guidance from God. James 4:15-16 states, "Instead, you ought to say 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." It is vital that we consult God before planning anything. It reminds me of the old saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." My son did not deter from me accomplishing any of my goals or ambitions, but he did make me prioritize and rearrange some things. I have, in fact, taken a notice to certain things that I gave no attention to before-- blessings I almost missed because I was PLANNING LIFE WITHOUT CONSIDERING LIFE'S PLAN FOR ME.

Because it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY

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I have noticed, that at times, I find it difficult finding the silver lining in adverse situations. I sometimes question myself about whether my goals and ambitions are truly MY goals and ambitions and even question God about what He has in store for my life. A couple months ago I went through a 3-day period of depression while dealing with various situations. Those who were around me daily noticed that I was not being my normal self. The joking, smiling, loud and energetic Jonathan was nowhere to be found. (Anyone that knows me well will tell you this is VERY RARE.) About the third day of my depression, I really became discouraged. I called a close friend to talk about it, and he spoke words that changed my entire mindset. He told me that the things I was dealing with were ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY in order for God to mold me into the person He predestined me to be! Some of these situations are premeditated by Him (such as Job) and some are consequences of disobedience (such as Jonah), but they all serve the same purpose -- qualifying us for the position He has for us. When entering the job market, most employers seek those who are certified (hold degrees), but more importantly, those who are qualified (experienced). Life's circumstances are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to give us the qualifications required. They put our attitudes, desires, and passion to the test. Once we start to view our situations in this manner, we begin to see them as being worthwhile, not easier, but worth the effort. As Matthew 22:14 states, "Many are called but few are chosen," or as I translate it, "many are CERTIFIED but few are QUALIFIED." I'm sure everyone knows an athlete that was the hometown hero and had all the potential in the world, but lacked the ambition necessary to capitalize on it. When tests came to "qualify" them, they were not found worthy of being "chosen." There are only a select few that meet all of the criteria to be deemed worthy of accepting the calling God has for us and no one makes it there overnight. It is a process that begins with us understanding that everything is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

Why treat the SYMPTOMS but neglect the PROBLEM?

                                    


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Lately, I have been dealing with a situation that was caused by me failing to identify the underlying cause of my actions. I have let this same insecurity cause me to hurt people in the past, but it recently caused me to hurt someone I care for dearly. I have been neglecting the real source, the PROBLEM, and only focusing on the SYMPTOMS. I have found that this is not uncommon at all. Everyone has insecurities in one area of our life or another, but if we do not wish for these insecurities to control us and affect our relationships with others, it is of the utmost importance that we identify the source and deal with it. The initial step of the process is realizing that an insecurity is present. I never realized that being unsatisfied with a certain aspect of my life was caused by an insecurity. I was confusing it with striving for self improvement. Whether the aspect that we see the need to change is something for the better or if it is something that we should learn to accept, it is still an insecurity until we find a way to deal with it. In order to begin addressing the PROBLEM, we must be able to differentiate the PROBLEM from the SYMPTOMS. SYMPTOMS can masquerade as multiple issues when they are actually the collective results of one PROBLEM. It is easier for us to take medicine to alleviate a cough, runny nose, or sneezing rather than consulting a doctor to identify the cause. Attending to the PROBLEM tends to require more effort and admitting vulnerability; two things that are not typically enjoyable to us, so we settle for placing a band aid on the SYMPTOMS. But, these very SYMPTOMS control not only our actions, ambitions and desires, but also, our relationships with others. Insecurity breeds a lack of confidence in ourselves causing us to abandon the cultivation process. In turn, we deprive others of the opportunity to gain encouragement from our testimony. As I explained in WHAT IS FEAR?, God wants better for us than we want for ourselves, but if we continue to let our insecurity prohibit us from acting, we will never receive it. As in my case, insecurity has affected others as well. Not being totally satisfied with who I am has, at times, caused me to seek validation from outside sources. On more than one occasion, what I felt was necessary to fill my void was out of bounds in respect to the relationships I was in. The people I was involved with were caused emotional pain simply because I chose not to treat the PROBLEM, but instead patch up the SYMPTOMS. The PROBLEM was not so clear to me at first but became evident during a trip to the mall with a friend. After expressing my feeling of being overdressed, he told me, "Never feel out of place (while being yourself)." I realized at that moment that my SYMPTOMS were results of me never truly being satisfied with who I am. So now that I have come to terms with my PROBLEM, I have addressed it. I no longer try to band aid or patch the SYMPTOMS because diagnosing and treating the PROBLEM cures them. I encourage everyone to look within yourself to diagnose and TREAT THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SYMPTOMS.

GETTING OUT OF OUR OWN WAY

In most adverse situations we face in life, we tend to blame others rather than realizing that WE are our OWN biggest enemy. We are our OWN biggest hinderance. It seems as if we do not realize that we have the ability to overcome any situation we face, even if the "situation" is ourself. One of the biggest roadblocks that we encounter is our failure to plan. Too many times we tend to just "play it by ear" or "see what happens" rather than putting forth the effort to develop a strategy. King Solomon states in Proverbs 28:19, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." As I stated in a previous post, TRAVELING THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED, 'Creating a vision of the end result allows us to mark our progress along the way.' We also tend to allow our fear of failure to keep us from stepping out on faith and beginning our journey to success. This can only be overcome by changing our mindset about failure. Thomas Edison was quoted as saying, "I haven't failed. I've found 10,000 ways that don't work." We should see failure as a learning tool that carries us one step closer to success. What if Thomas Edison had given up on inventing the light bulb on the 9,999th try? We would still be finding our way through the dark by candlelight. Fear of the "unknown" is another contributor to our lack of progress. In a world filled with uncertainty, it is ludicrous to expect to have all of our questions answered before we ever begin. It is also this fear of the "unknown" that causes us to take on the fear of others. We tend to become fearful of the things those whom we seek guidance from are fearful of. Many of our fears are not truly our own. They are those of our parents, mentors, friends, and loved ones. What may not be right for one person, may be perfect for another. We get stuck in traditions and stereotypes that cause us to fail in evolving to truly fulfill our full potential. It prevents us from stepping outside of the box and experiencing new things. It is often the things that we shun that we learn the most from. Choosing to not always be orthodox gives us the chance to grow and become well rounded. Even when we are able to overcome these fears, we still face the task of putting the plan into action. Many times we put things off to a later date that ultimately never comes. Procrastination hinders our progress more than anything else because it is totally internal. It is the one thing that we truly control. There are no external factors involved with taking action right now! All that is required is for us to GET OUT OF OUR OWN WAY.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post as well as those previously posted. Please subscribe to RANDOM THOUGHTS to stay informed of new posts and feel free to leave feedback and comments about each one. Thank you again

-Jonathan