Guilty By Association
Have you ever heard the sayings, "birds of a feather flock together" or "you are the company you keep?" I'm certainly guilty of associating people with certain characteristics soley based on the people they hang around. I know you should never judge a book by its cover but, sometimes it's hard not to.
The type of people we choose to spend our time with says a lot about us. If we hang with people who are always into mischief and confrontations, sooner or later we will find ourselves entangled in their mess as well. Likewise, if we start associating ourselves with people who are positive thinkers, we will notice ourselves looking for the silver lining in situations. You just simply can't make it to California riding with people headed to New York. We should all strive to keep people in our lives that will help us grow in all aspects: spiritually, physically, mentally. Generally, one person probably won't fill all of these roles, but our inner circle should be made up of people who play a certain part. So, your workout partner may not be the person you go to church with, but he or she is still is a great accountability partner to have in the gym to help you reach your fitness goals. Whether we realize it or not, we can be blessed or cursed by our company. There have been many instances where people have gone to jail and even lost their lives because they were hanging with people who had committed crimes or been involved in conflict with someone else. On the other hand, people like Gayle King have benefited greatly from their association with influential friends such as Oprah Winfrey. In Luke chapter 5, Peter and four other fisherman come back to shore empty handed after fishing all night. Jesus tells Peter to cast his net again and Peter obeys. "Simon answered, Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets. When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink" (Luke 5:5-7 NIV). Notice how the fisherman in the other boat benefit from their association with Peter. Their relationship with him not only benefits them, it gives them an overflow! We also have to learn to align ourselves with people with strong faith, work ethic and positivity because iron sharpens iron. So, take the time to evaluate the relationships in your life and see what role each person plays in enhancing your life. Remember, you're Guilty By Association.
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It's All In Your Mind
Sometimes in all my writing and encouraging others I forget to encourage myself. I focus on being of help to others while silently allowing doubt and fear to keep me from stretching out and reaching for those things that I aspire to. After reading the fourth chapter of Job I realized that in spite of how great a man he was revered as, he had the same issue. His friend Eliphaz had to remind him to, " Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands.Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees. But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. Should not your piety be your confidence..." (Job 4:3-6 NIV). This passage helped me to remember that these feelings come about because I am human. It even happened to Job! But, staying in these feelings and allowing them to suppress my drive and ambition is unacceptable. I find myself at times thinking of every excuse for why something won't work, that I forget to focus on the benefits that will be gained when it does work, causing me to settle for less than the best. I began searching within myself to figure out when did I start placing limitations on my potential and abilities. This is not who I am. Apparently I'd let the adverse results of previous ventures deter me from embarking on new ones. I saw getting a result other than my desired one as bad, rather than different, causing me too look at less-than-perfect circumstances the same way. I began looking at things through the eyes of the 10 spies rather than living up to my to middle name, Joshua. While the spies saw the giants in the land of Canaan, Joshua and Caleb saw a land of milk and honey! "Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, 'We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it" (Numbers 13:30 NIV). Joshua and Caleb only focused on the reward and were eventually the only 2 of their generation to enter into the land. Only a few will have the vision to see greatness in the midst of adversity, and even fewer will have the courage to attain it. Don't let anyone or anything cause you to falter on your journey to success, not even your own mind.
Part 3 of 3: "Why Are You Still Crying?: It's All About The Timing"
Thinking back on the previous two parts of the series, we discussed the fact that we can not let our setbacks hinder us from completing the work that still lies ahead of us (Part 1: There's Work To Be Done). Then, we talked about recognizing when the situation isn't really about us, but rather something that has an effect on us because of our association (Part 2: It's Not Even About You). Now, what if it really is about you and you've made to decision to continue doing the work that is set before you but you are still not seeing the results you envisioned? We have to realize that It's All About The Timing. We can not speed up nor slow down the process, just be ready. The saying is true, "Opportunity only comes once in a lifetime." So we have to do our due diligence in preparing for that defining moment. Have you ever wanted something but didn't quite have enough to get it? So, you spend the money you have on something else and a couple days later it goes on sale! That happened to me recently and I was heartbroken. I realized that by being impatient, I missed out on my blessing. It wasn't meant for me to have the total amount for the item because when the time was right, I wouldn't need it. I think about David running out to fight Goliath after hearing him curse God. David's older brothers tried to hush him up and send him home because they were afraid that he would get himself killed, or even or worse, get them killed. But what no one else knew was that David had been preparing for his defining moment while tending to his father's sheep. "Saul replied, 'You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth'. But David said to Saul, 'Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them..." (1 Sam 17:33-36 NIV). Dealing with adversity while tending to his father's sheep built David's confidence for this very moment. Many times we allow obstacles to serve as stumbling blocks rather than stepping stones due to our outlook on them. Some of us seem to think that, "nothing good ever happens to us," but, in reality we are being trained for our defining moment! It took David having to fight LIONS and BEARS in order to not only possess the skill, but gain the confidence to defeat Goliath. And, it was his defeat of Goliath that propelled him to the kingdom of Israel and right hand man to the King, a position that he would eventually occupy (which we talked about in Part 1). So, when you start to think, "nothing good ever happens to you," remember that you are in preparation for that defining moment. It's All About The Timing.
Part 1 of 3 "Why Are You Still Crying?: There's Work To Be Done
If you're anything like me, it takes a lot to truly get you down. I've learned to take many things in stride by understanding that God knows all and, His will is more important than my own. That doesn't mean that I don't find myself disappointed when I make plans that do not fall into place. Sometimes I tend to forget that "Planning Life Without Considering Life's Plan For Me" typically leads to a dead end. I've always loved the Serenity Prayer, especially the beginning, "God grant me the serenity to accept the the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." We too often worry about things we have no control over and allow them to hinder us from moving on. We let the hurt caused by the actions of others to depress us, or allow the disappointment of not getting a promotion to discourage us from doing our best. We cannot be held hostage by our "feelings." After Saul was rejected as king of Israel, the Prophet Samuel mourned to the point God had to ask him, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king" (1 Samuel 16:1 NIV). Even Samuel had to be reminded that there was still work to be done! If you've ever experienced heartbreak, disappointment, discouragement, etc then you know that it can affect every aspect of your life if you let it. We can miss out on greater plans that God has for us if we can't relinquish past disappointments. God sent Samuel to annoint David as king to replace Saul. Yes, the same David that killed Goliath, was considered a man after God's own heart, and would produce the bloodline that Jesus would eventually be born of! What a consolation prize that ended up being! So, regardless of what situation you are recovering from, sit down and ask yourself: Why Are You Still Crying? There's Work To Be Done. Part 2 of 3: "Why Are You Still Crying?: It's Not Even About You
After coming to the understanding that we can't allow disappointments to bring our journey to a halt in Part 1: There's Work To Be Done, I realized that gaining an understanding of why something happens is just as important. When children experience a divorce between their parents, they sometimes tend to blame themselves for the failure of the marriage. Or, when a self-inflicted tragedy strikes those closest to us, we seem to blame ourselves for not doing more to help. It's natural for these types of experiences to have an "effect" on us, but we can't choose to let it "affect" us. Simply put, we should be empathetic because we care, but we can't allow it hinder us as well. I've noticed that in the times we allow it to "affect" us, it's out of guilt. We carry the burden of our conscience deceiving us into thinking that it is our fault. Although I'm sure there were times that we may not have made the situation any easier, we were also not the cause. In 1 Samuel the Nation of Israel demanded to have a king appointed to them because of the wicked actions of Samuel's sons who were in line to take his place as Judge. Samuel was displeased and troubled over their request. In my opinion, Samuel probably reasoned with himself that it was his fault for not reprimanding his son's for their actions. But, if you were ever a kid then you know that sometimes we act against better judgement and instruction. The faith of the people only showed them the present rather than allowing them to trust in God's judgement in appointing righteous men to guide them. (God later displays his righteous judgement in David's appointment as king instead Jonathan, Saul's son, as a result of Saul's disobedience). Samuel later realizes that the people's request for a king was not his burden to bear because it was not him whom they were rejecting, but God, "And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king," (1 Samuel 8:7 NIV). We have to be able to understand that every situation that has an "effect" on us is not our own. Some are meant to "affect" others around us. Life has enough twists and turns for each of us to have our fair share without taking on those of others. So, take a good look at the situations in your past and you'll see that "It's Not Even About You."Who Am I Really?
I'm Jonathan.
Don't Lose Yourself Trying To Find Yourself
If the most successful people in the world would be completely open about their lives, I'm sure they'd tell you of a time when they felt lost and confused. I can imagine them talking about waking up one day and realizing that they did not recognize anyone around them. They would probably say that they were so busy focusing on the goal until they forgot to enjoy the process. Well, in that case, they are no different than you and me. I've also realized that I get so busy preparing for tomorrow until I forget to enjoy today. There have been plenty of missed opportunities that I could have spent with family and friends. Even chances to enjoy the fruits of my labor have been sacrificed because I was too busy focusing on the next thing. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 2:24, "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God." As I matured, "... I put away childish things" (1 Corinthians 13:11), but I never intended to lose touch with my inner-child along the way. That's what makes me....ME. I am spontaneous and fun-loving; not this super serious person I've become. Who wants to spend each day thinking about bills and doctor's appointments? Life is too short to not enjoy every moment of it. Carpe Diem! Seize the day! I will not let life pass me by while I prepare for old age. I will learn to enjoy each and every day. I will no longer let my goals and ambitions take SOLE possession of my thoughts. I will "live a little." Don't Lose Yourself Trying To Find Yourself.
Show Me Who I Am Before I Mess Up Who I Can Be
If only you could see what I can see in you." Have you ever heard or said these words? It's hard to watch someone with so much potential throw their life away simply because they can not see who they were predestined to be. Often times even those around us have no idea of all the great things we have the potential accomplishing. My parents stayed on my case as a child about hanging with the wrong crowd and doing things that would only lead to destruction. I can still hear my mother saying "If you stay on this course you'll only end up in jail or in the grave." Apparently she'd lived long enough to know a little something about life because the majority of those same friends are or have been to jail, are addicted to drugs and alcohol, and a couple have even passed away. Honestly, I always knew God had bigger plans for me. It was just a matter of me accepting and embracing it. As a kid, I dreamt of being an astronaut that would explore the heavens above, but my actions kept my feet nailed to the floor. Just like Jacob wrestling with the angel in an attempt to discover his true identity, I wrestled with my desire to be "cool" by doing things that were not so positive. I consistently ignored my parents' warnings about the company I was keeping until one day I saw the police outside of the house we would typically hang out at with my friends handcuffed. I realized then that the path I was traveling was indeed headed for destruction. School and sports eventually started to occupy the majority of my attention and I began to excel at both. I was selected by Duke University to take the ACT in 7th grade and scored a 17. In 8th grade I played my first varsity football game and was a full timer starter by the 9th. I eventually graduated high school with honors and earned numerous scholarships in football. I'm thankful that along the way I had teachers, counselors, principals, coaches, friends, and family that saw the potential I possessed and challenged me to fulfill it. I have kept my eyes focused on my goals and have accomplished many things along the way. I own my business, as well as hold a corporate position at a well-known company in the food industry at the age of 24. God has truly blessed me with a vision to strive for, all the skills and tools necessary, and a humble spirit that trusts in Him to lead my path. But first, He took the time to SHOW ME WHO I AM BEFORE I MESSED UP WHO I CAN BE.
I aM mE
It Only Takes One
Go For What You Know
There are times in our lives when we are faced with decisions that may seem to "go against the grain" from what everyone else sees as normal or possible. These are the times that define us and solidify what we truly believe and stand for. I've learned that life is about growing and maturing, which may give us new "eyes" for certain things that we've seen differently in the past. But, our core principles should not change even with this growth. I am still the same person who has always placed my faith in God to open doors of opportunities for me, but now I realize that He is much more than that. I now see selfishness in only wanting the gifts without accepting the Giver. Going for what you know isn't always the easiest thing to do, especially when the people closest to you don't agree. Sometimes they will even go to extreme measures to discourage your efforts. Even our closest friends and family are jealous of our growth and fight hard to not be left in their misery without company. But, we must stick to our guns and do what we know is right. In 1 Samuel chapter 14, Jonathan's faith in God led him to take only his armor bearer with him into battle against the Philistine camp of about 20 soldiers. After receiving confirmation from God that it was okay to attack, (1 Samuel 14:8-11) Jonathan and his armor bearer headed towards the enemy camp to fight. God honored Jonathan's faith and caused the Philistines to begin fighting and killing themselves! Upon hearing the commotion, his father Saul became enraged that someone had attacked the enemy without his consent and sought to know who had done such a thing. After learning that it was his very own son, Jonathan, Saul commanded the priest to stop praying for him! (1 Samuel 14:19) Our history on Saul tells us that he was a very jealous man. He was jealous of the Israel's faith in David, Jonathan's friendship with David, and his own son's faith in God. This goes to show that even your closest of kin can be the culprit that is trying to bring you down. Regardless of what anyone says, we must do what we know God has laid on our hearts to do. Go For What You Know.
Defeat Does Not Mean I Am Defeated
Throughout my life, I have been faced with various situations that could have easily caused me to give in and give up. I'll be the first to admit, that picking myself up off the dirt has always been easier said than done, but knowing that it was necessary for my progression has generally helped lighten the blow. In sports, losing one game doesn't mean the entire season is gone to waste. How else do you explain being able to "lose the battle but win the war?" The same concept applies to the game of life. Setbacks, roadblocks, disappointments and some flat out defeats do not happen to make you quit; they're meant to be tools of growth and maturity. We have to utilize them as learning tools and gleen valuable lessons from them. What mistakes did I make? How can I do things better? If I can do things over again, what would I change? The problem is, we allow these disappointments to pin us down for the 3 count. We give up too easily. "Well, at least I tried" is a lot easier to say than "defeat doesn't mean I'm defeated." But, it's all in our minds. How mentally tough are we? Even then, there are still some things we have to speak into existance by literally telling ourselves that we can overcome our situation. I know some people will think we are crazy but so what? I takes being borderline crazy to have the resilency necessary to get the most out of life. Proverbs18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." Life is not about what happens to us, it's about what we do in response to it.
How have you finally overcome an obstacle than once stood in your way?
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| Former U.S. Marine Anthony McDaniel lost both legs and an arm fighting for our country. |
How Am I Carrying My Load?
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it."
-Lou Holtz, National Championship Winning Football Coach and ESPN College Football Analyst
I know we can all think of a time when we planned a trip to somewhere nice and thought of all the activities that we wanted to take part in when we got there. We began filling up our suitcase with different types of clothes and shoes to fit every occasion. To our surprise, no matter how hard we try to zip it up, it just would not close. Being tempted to give up, we start taking things out to make room. As we start putting things back in place, we realize that the clothes and shoes had been previously thrown in the suitcase with no strategy, taking up more space than necessary. After repositioning our belongings, we found that everything we had packed before was now able to fit in the suitcase after all.
We face these same problems periodically in our minds. As humans, we tend to allow things such as doubt, anger, resentment and pride to cloud our judgement and affect our actions. It's hard, nearly impossible, to make sound decisions when our mind is being infiltrated with so many negative influences. Take the servant with only one talent for example. He let fear keep him from being productive with what he was given. When his master returned he was displeased with his servant's works, or lack thereof, and called him "wicked and slothful" (Matt 25:26). Some of us deal with anger issues. The wisest man to ever walk the Earth, Solomon, spoke on this very issue. He said, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools" (Ecc 7:9). Anger can cause us to do things that we will later regret. It can cause us to hurt loved ones or take justice in our own hands, rather than letting God be the judge. I know I have said some things that I wish I could have taken back, but it was too late. Situations are only made more difficult by acting out of anger. The best course of action is to stop, look and listen. We need to STOP whatever is it we are doing, or planning to do, so that we can take another LOOK at the situation after we have had time to cool down. Finally, we should LISTEN to what God has to say about the matter. His wisdom far exceeds anything that we could ever hope to attain. He knows the outcome and possible ramifications of our actions if we continue the course we are on. So, when we feel life bringing us down, we should ask ourselves: "How Am I Carrying My Load?"
Just Get Over It
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If you have ever been wronged by anyone, especially someone you think highly of, then you know that forgiveness is easier said than done. We sometimes feel the need to make the other person feel the pain that we feel, or at least make sure they know how upset we are. How many of those times have you later realized the situation that you were upset over was simply a misunderstanding? Many friendships have been strained and ended because the two sides did not have a clear understanding. Even when certain things are said or done out of spite, we should learn to let them go. Forgiveness is not just for the other person, it is mainly for us. Often times the person who has done us wrong has gone on with their life while we are still harboring negative energy. It can eventually affect the way we treat other people. I've heard many people say that they cheat on their partners because of how hey were treated in a previous relationship; or, they bring memories of what happened previously and accuse their significant other of doing things they are not. The best thing to do is to JUST GET OVER IT. I have personally let past relationships cause me not to desire entering anymore. I felt that all relationships would end the same. I had to realize that those women were going on enjoying their lives while I was depriving myself of companionship. In essence, I was the only one suffering because of my unwillingness to forgive. We are not supposed to hold grudges against anyone. Jesus told the disciples in Luke 17:4, "If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' 'forgive him." We not only keep ourselves in bad moods by not forgiving others, we also block our blessings. God will not trust us with His "good and perfect" gifts if we do not possess the heart to treat it how He wants. The only way to be in a position to receive His gifts is to, "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12). Since it is impossible to possess these traits without having a forgiving heart, I guess we are forced to JUST GET OVER IT.
Tell me about a time that you have been wronged by someone you really cared for. How did it affect your relationship with that person? did you ever JUST GET OVER IT and forgive them?
Excuses, Excuses
I am proud to say that this blog post marks the 1 year anniversary of Random Thoughts!!!!
How many times have you had things that needed to be done but tried to find every reason not to? Then, we try to justify our procrastination with little EXCUSES that we know are menial. This is typically the case for me when it is time to hit the gym. I think of every reason why I should put it off until tomorrow. "I'm tired from work. It looks like it's going to rain. I need to organize some paperwork. I have things I need to write." But, the truth is, I know that working out will not interfere with the majority of these things, and I probably won't end up doing the other ones anyway. We are definitely not the first people to make up excuses for not wanting to do something. Even Moses tried to use the old "My dog ate my homework" trick when God commanded him to return to Egypt and declare that the Pharaoh release the Hebrews from bondage. "Moses said to the Lord 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.' The Lord to said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?'" (Exodus 4:10-11) What we fail to realize is the fact that these are the times that we need to get up and do it anyway! These are the situations that test our will power and determination. It is in these instances that we build mental strength and recognize our true capabilities. My college coach always preached to us about discipline and mental toughness. He said that mental toughness would keep us focused even when we are tired. Being tired doesn't always refer to a physical state; it more often refers to our mental state of being. We can't allow our minds to control us, but instead, control our minds. Our flesh acts like a spoiled brat-- it whines whenever it doesn't get its way. That's why our stomach starts to growl and head starts to hurt whenever we fast. Our body is throwing a temper tantrum and it is the responsibility of our mind to overpower it. I can remember many hot summer days in college during conditioning drills when my body told me to quit. It was over 100 degrees, I was tired, and my lunch felt like it was about to come back up. I had remember that I was working towards something that was more significant than the pain I was feeling at the time. The same was true for Moses. He tried to use his speech as an excuse to stop him from delivering an entire nation! The only way for us to be better than average is to stop making excuses and JUST DO IT!
Have you ever let an excuse stop you from accomplishing something that you later wish you had done?
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